Presence vs. Absence

I don’t know about you, but I am tired. I am tired of wondering what I should be doing, of

worrying about the people I love and their precarious positions, our government, and other

countries’ governments. I am tired of the decisions I am having to make, so much so that the

thought of deciding what to feed my family for breakfast tomorrow seems overwhelming. It

is not because I lack anything - more likely it is because I have too much. Too much information,

too much stimulation, too many thoughts, and too many tasks.

Tonight I was teaching a restorative yoga practice. The practice was meant to be grounding and

security-inducing; a reminder of everything that stays the same without wavering, the earth

beneath us, the sky above us, the fire inside us that allows the breath to come and go and the

heart beat that drives blood through our veins, the universe, and God. We also revisited the

idea of that which was here before us and what will come after us, and the fact that in this inhale,

there is the breath of everyone before us, and our exhale will visit everyone to come after us.

Our breath which comes and goes and eventually will leave our body forever. The air we take

our breath from will always be there. Much like our faith, which comes and goes, waxes and

wanes, our God that we take our faith from will always be there. I chose a quote to end the

practice with that seemed very appropriate.

I read it in John O’Donohue’s Walking in Wonder,

“Because I am here,

Where is it that I am absent from?”

The words seemed perfect for tonight’s practice, and although I have read them before, as each

one came out of my mouth, tonight, they seemed to mean so much more.

“Because I am here,”

Just let that sink in for a moment, what does that mean? Where is here? Is here a situation, an

emotion, a physical place or a mental one?

After my class I took a moment to contemplate, and the the thought that seem overwhelmingly

loud was,

“Because I am here,”

Because we are in the midst of self-isolation, a pandemic, homeschooling, teaching from home,

all social interactions via Zoom or FaceTime including lessons…because I am immersed in

COVID-19 lifestyle…

“Where is it that I am absent from?”

I am absent from my Lenten practice, from security, from faith, and from devotion. I am absent

from love that is offered, from help that is asked, I am absent…

If I ask myself these questions about everything I have done in the last two weeks I have to say,

I am met with a mixed bag and it is a lovely one. I am met with an awareness of the lack of

consciousness I have been living in the last few weeks.

Because I am on social media - I am absent from my family.

Because I am planning homeschool lessons - I am absent from reading that book.

On the flip side,

Because I am home - I am making time for yoga practices with teachers I love.

Because I am home - I am creating more, more food, more art, more practices.

If I go a little deeper,

Because I am worried - I am absent from relaxation.

Because I am scared - I am absent from stability.

Because I have faith - I am absent from loneliness

Because I want to be aware - I am absent from mindlessness.

I could go on and on, but this simple statement, the small quote, really hit home tonight, and I

thought I would share it. Just how much are we allowing COVID-19 steal from us? We should

make a conscious effort to choose where we are and where that makes us absent from.